We have some family up by our house visiting and we've eaten out twice. And I've stuffed my face entirely too much. It has tasted so damn good though. I struggle with how much I enjoy eating out and eating my favorite foods. I find it much easier to skip going places versus limiting portions or ordering something not as bad from the menu if I go somewhere.
Why the hell would I want to not order potato skins or fettuccine alfredo?? I sure as hell don't want to *not* order those items. I want to eat every single bite of that "3x what a normal portion size should be" plate of food. And then I want to scoop up every single crumb that is still left on the plate. And maybe drink the glaze in the ramekin.
Can you tell I'm struggling right now?
I know this struggle was bound to happen.
The constraints of being good at all times are bound to be tested. Indulgences are made. Trainwrecks happen. Getting the train back on the track is the key though. I'm aware of this and I know I will do it.
Not that it's an excuse but I am 95% sure I'm in extreme PMS mode. As in I want to eat everything in the house and am craving sweets and I'm also breaking out. The crazy thing is - and I don't always go into a ton of detail over on this blog about it versus my other blog - if I do in fact get AF this week, that will make for a random "normal" cycle for me. I have PCOS, am anovulatory, and have a serious lack of regular (if any) periods. So while it's great that maybe I'm on schedule for once, I want to just lock all food out of this house before I eat it all. I know I'm really bloaty right now too. Knowing that, I really need to concentrate on cleaning up the wreckage so that when this is over, I can get back to losing weight instead of retaining it. Lord help me if I have to re-lose more than 5 pounds.
Side note - up until today, I've noticed a remarkable clearing of my acne trouble spots. I'm sure the water and cleaner eating is the only reason for the change and love seeing those positive results. But dammit if I didn't wake up yesterday to a giant honker on my chin/mouth area.
The positive thing that I can report from today is that our lunch today was down at Miller Park, home of the Milwaukee Brewers, and I took a picture with my buddy Mickey Mouse and posted it on Facebook. I received quite a few very nice comments about how I am looking. :-) I don't mean to sound flippant or vain but it really does help to hear the kind words and the praise. I'm still struggling with seeing a difference right now. I also feel afraid to continue to say that last sentence because I don't want to be seen as someone just fishing for compliments. That is not my intention. I really and truly struggle to feel like I've lost 30 pounds. I just wish my brain and eyes would see it.
I think the theme of this blog post can be that mentally I am struggling. I'm in this for the long haul and I keep reminding myself that these phases are normal. I just have to keep on going and find a new groove to propel me into the next 30 pound loss.
Anyway, I will share that photo here as well just to further my attention whoring. The jeans I'm wearing are still the same damn size as always for me - however - the Mickey zip up hoodie (can you tell it's Mickey in the pink now that I've pointed it out?) is one of the few clothing items that I feel the difference in the fit. It used to be super tight. It was on the roomy side
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