That is what my eating has been the last two days.
We have some family up by our house visiting and we've eaten out twice. And I've stuffed my face entirely too much. It has tasted so damn good though. I struggle with how much I enjoy eating out and eating my favorite foods. I find it much easier to skip going places versus limiting portions or ordering something not as bad from the menu if I go somewhere.
Why the hell would I want to not order potato skins or fettuccine alfredo?? I sure as hell don't want to *not* order those items. I want to eat every single bite of that "3x what a normal portion size should be" plate of food. And then I want to scoop up every single crumb that is still left on the plate. And maybe drink the glaze in the ramekin.
Can you tell I'm struggling right now?
I know this struggle was bound to happen.
The constraints of being good at all times are bound to be tested. Indulgences are made. Trainwrecks happen. Getting the train back on the track is the key though. I'm aware of this and I know I will do it.
Not that it's an excuse but I am 95% sure I'm in extreme PMS mode. As in I want to eat everything in the house and am craving sweets and I'm also breaking out. The crazy thing is - and I don't always go into a ton of detail over on this blog about it versus my other blog - if I do in fact get AF this week, that will make for a random "normal" cycle for me. I have PCOS, am anovulatory, and have a serious lack of regular (if any) periods. So while it's great that maybe I'm on schedule for once, I want to just lock all food out of this house before I eat it all. I know I'm really bloaty right now too. Knowing that, I really need to concentrate on cleaning up the wreckage so that when this is over, I can get back to losing weight instead of retaining it. Lord help me if I have to re-lose more than 5 pounds.
Side note - up until today, I've noticed a remarkable clearing of my acne trouble spots. I'm sure the water and cleaner eating is the only reason for the change and love seeing those positive results. But dammit if I didn't wake up yesterday to a giant honker on my chin/mouth area.
The positive thing that I can report from today is that our lunch today was down at Miller Park, home of the Milwaukee Brewers, and I took a picture with my buddy Mickey Mouse and posted it on Facebook. I received quite a few very nice comments about how I am looking. :-) I don't mean to sound flippant or vain but it really does help to hear the kind words and the praise. I'm still struggling with seeing a difference right now. I also feel afraid to continue to say that last sentence because I don't want to be seen as someone just fishing for compliments. That is not my intention. I really and truly struggle to feel like I've lost 30 pounds. I just wish my brain and eyes would see it.
I think the theme of this blog post can be that mentally I am struggling. I'm in this for the long haul and I keep reminding myself that these phases are normal. I just have to keep on going and find a new groove to propel me into the next 30 pound loss.
Anyway, I will share that photo here as well just to further my attention whoring. The jeans I'm wearing are still the same damn size as always for me - however - the Mickey zip up hoodie (can you tell it's Mickey in the pink now that I've pointed it out?) is one of the few clothing items that I feel the difference in the fit. It used to be super tight. It was on the roomy side
Ahhh, today's little post shall be quite fun to write. Let it be a lesson to others to double check your calorie database carefully.
Monday-Thursday I work in one town about 30 miles away. On Fridays I work in the area that I live in. On those days I treat myself to my Friday morning breakfast indulgence of a cheddar bacon bagel.Now, I fully know that it's not the most healthy combination. But it's delicious. And I adjust my calories for the rest of the day accordingly. I always put it into MFP too. I wasn't able to find the cheddar bacon exactly but I chose the asiago cheese one and then figured out the additional bacon calories and created my own "recipe" for it. Today I happened to be working out of the in-town location so I decided that I would have my splurge today since tomorrow is Valentine's Day and my in-laws are coming up and I'm sure we'll be going out to dinner.
Well, today for the first time I decided I going to finally change it up and make it into an egg sandwich. I've never had it before. It was fabulous. So I went back to MFP to add it to my food diary. I found the sandwich on there but with a plain bagel. So I thought, "Hmm, ok I'll use that sandwich, look up the plain bagel stats on the company website, and then add the difference in the calories manually to my breakfast section." Except something wasn't working out in my head and I went back to the company's website to double check myself. When my eyes hit upon the smoking gun, my stomach dropped.
Their serving size was for half of the bagel. Half. MFP had the base for my bagel listed as a whole bagel for the serving size. I've been eating this for months. And now that means that every Friday my counts have been way off. My bagle-wich was half of my daily allotted calories. I'm not even joking. I wish I was.
So I rethought my entire meal plan, cutting out a bunch of my snacks I packed, in hopes of not completely blowing the day.
I ended up being over by slightly more than 300 calories before my workout. Knowing I had to bust my ass tonight I did my 2 mile run and then lifted weights for another 45 minutes. My burn was about 642 calories so I did end up with a deficit today...not without sacrifice though. I'm still hungry ;-)
Needless to say, I will NOT be going to get my bagels every Friday. Maybe once every two months as a true "treat."
I'm still dumbfounded.
Portion sizes are a bitch sometimes. Damn them.
I have good and bad news to share regarding today's weigh-in.
I'll start with the bad first.
Even though I was quite sure I didn't go too terrible with the eating in Chicago this past weekend, I still somehow managed to put 4+ lbs back on. I'm guessing the combination of being a tad stopped up and not drinking enough water is the main culprit for the gain. I had tracked my calories in MFP and even though I was over on Friday and Saturday, it wasn't an all out binge fest.
But the good news is that I dropped it all plus 1 pound for today's scale stepping.
My weight was at 221.8. That brings my total weight loss to 32.8 lbs!
To be under 220 is for sure my goal by this time next week.
I've been playfully complaining to K that even with all the pounds lost I haven't been able to move down a size yet. It's slightly frustrating. I know there is a difference because people comment on it. I'm just having a hard time *really* feeling it. It's just another layer of the weird view of my body that I have many days.
Want to know the one place that I have noticed the difference?
When I'm in the shower and I'm washing my face.
I am one that faces into the water and when I put the soap on my hands to lather my face and wash it off, I can feel that my face is smaller. Isn't that weird??? I think it is. But I like it. I hated my fat face.
Anyway...here's to hopefully seeing the changes happening a little more clearly soon!
Ah Monday. Good old Monday.
I stayed up way too late last night watching Olympics coverage. I am so thankful tonight is only a stretch and strength day. There's no way I'd be able to get through a strenuous workout this evening. Tonight I am going to focus on upper body and abs using free weights, machines, and the fitness ball.
After that we'll go do some grocery shopping and then head home. Where I am going to have to manage to not turn on the Olympics again... ;-)
Have a great Monday all! For today's dose of motivation I will leave you with:
Well I have to say that I am quite pleased with myself tonight.
We were at home in Chicago this weekend and this morning I got up and headed to church with my grandma. I got to spend the rest of the morning into the early afternoon with her and it was wonderful. I am so lucky to have a chance to spend time with her. I miss being at home and being able to pop in whenever I feel like.
The only negative to this was that it cost me some travel time back to Wisconsin. The Y here in town is only open until 6 pm on Sundays. From my in-laws house, it is a 3 hour drive. We ate some lunch from our favorite local Mexican fast food hole in the wall (Taco Burrito King or TBK if you're curious) and then hurried to pack up the car.
We left at about 2:45 and I really thought that there was no way I was going to make it up here in time to get in a run. It was my "move up" day in training and it was really important to me. Today was the day that I needed to move up to a 2.5 mile run. I was really, really bummed out.
The traffic gods must have taken pity on me because somehow we managed to make awesome time. Well, truth be told I'm pretty sure that K was driving more along the guidelines that I use when driving. Ha!
We were rolling into town at about 5:15 so I made a comment about how he should just drop me off at the Y since we would have to pass it to get home and wait for me in the car with the animals. He said, "Well, if you want me to drop you off, I will. I'll just go drive the animals home, unload the car, and come back for you." Knowing that the only choice I had was just sucking it up and running in my thicker yoga pants and a heavy t-shirt on the track and getting in my actual run or having to fake it and do it on the elliptical at home, I chose to be dropped off.
I was pretty nervous to get this distance accomplished, especially since I wasn't really "prepped" to go and was literally just getting out of the car after a 180 mile road trip. But I freaking did it. I felt pretty good during it as well. A couple times my legs threatened to go to jello but I pushed through. I did not have a repeat of the breathing issues from Thursday, thank goodness. I guess the only explanation for that bad run is simply being off on my breathing. Oh well. I obviously sucked it up and moved past it. It's the only thing that you can do if you're going to continue to transform yourself.
The rest of my week looks like this for training:
Monday - stretch and strength
Tuesday - 2.5 mile run
Wednesday - 35 minute cross train
Thursday - 2.0 mile run + strength
Friday - likely rest day - I have a noon conference call that conflicts with my water fitness class
Saturday - 40 minute cross train
Sunday - 3 mile run (holy shit)
Well, I am exhausted and I should have gone to bed an hour ago. Have a wonderful week!
Nope - not my 30th birthday. That's not until August ;-)
But I hit the other type of Big 3-0 this week and that is 30 lbs. lost!
Actually, as of this morning I weighed in at 222.8! With my technical starting weight at 254.6, that is a total weight loss of 31.8 lbs. I am very happy right now!
You know what also finally happened? I had a bad run last night. I know it was bound to happen and it finally did. I've never had a run like this - even when I was starting out last year after having no exercise under my belt.
It was horrible. On the track I run on, it takes 22 laps for a 2 mile run. I was laboring in my breathing early on and when I hit lap 18, my side was cramping horribly. As I approached my water, I had my salad dressing kind of come back up and I had to stop to get a couple sips of water. I walked a half a lap and then pushed through the remaining laps I needed to do. It was hard. I felt disappointed. Really disappointed. I guess I am hitting a little mental road block that I should be able to do more than 2 miles right now. I know it will take time so I will just have to be patient and shake it off. One bad run won't stop me. And it will happen again. That much is for sure.
But....enough with the bad! I'm 31.8 pounds lighter!!!! Hell yeah!!! Woo Hoo!!
I am so guilty as charged with doing this. I also refuse to step on the scale without having gone to the washroom and pretty much in the nude. Hey - I'm not into finding out how heavy my clothes are! ;-)
I had another good week and my weight in this morning showed me my reward of 225.2 pounds! I am so close to hitting 30 lbs lost now!
The one thing that has me a little worried is that we have now made plans to go home to Chicago this weekend so that will mean lots and lots of foods from my favorite places. Not good. I also have to figure out how I am going to get my long run in on Sunday. And how to not gain about 5 lbs this weekend. This is going to be extremely hard.
If there is one thing I love most in this food world - it's my hometown grub. Say a food spell for me that I lose my appetite.
